There's Bad Decisions and Worse Decisions, And Then There's This Bus
by ThePurpleKieen
Summary: MtMtE college!human!AU. The cross-country trip that Rodimus has planned will be the spring break of a lifetime, if they can get back alive. Snapshots from a week on the road. T for language.
1. Chapter 1

_1._

_All Bad Ideas Begin at Swerve's, with Rodimus, but Usually Do Not Include a Bus_

* * *

There was a knock on the door.

Everyone froze.

"Someone check that." Swerve poked his head out into the common area of the room. "No, not you, Trailbreaker," he added as the alcoholic in question stood up and made a move for the door. "If it's the RA and he sees that you're drunk he's gonna bust us all."

"'S Trailcutter now," he muttered, plopping back down in his armchair and clicking his fingers at Swerve for another drink. "How the hell haven't we been busted?"

"Don't question it." Brainstorm popped out of his and Perceptor's room, briefcase in hand. Swerve started clucking at him.

"Suitcase stays in your room!" he snapped.

"This is a common area, it's for all of us," Brainstorm protested, but he set the suitcase down in his doorway and made for the door to the hall.

All the while the knocking continued.

Brainstorm edged the door open and stuck his face out, and everyone behind him held their breath, ready to fling bottles out the windows and into dirty laundry piles if it was the RA who wanted entrance. "It's okay!" he shouted, throwing the door open further. "Just Whirl."

"You live here, you have a key, you don't need to knock - you nearly gave me a heart attack - thought it was Magnus." Swerve was babbling as he handed Trailcutter another drink and waited with his hand extended for payment. A few crumpled dollar bills found their way into his hand.

"I told you, I lost my key," Whirl snapped, tossing his hockey bag down in front of the door, where the next unlucky entrant would trip over it. "Dropped it when I got into a fight with a hobo this morning."

No one wanted to ask for further clarification. "So, anyone doing anything fun over break?" he continued, and that question, coming from Whirl, was much more frightening than his casual admittance that he beat up homeless people. Whirl never tried to be nice by taking an interest in other's lives.

"Why do you ask?" Brainstorm asked slowly, his words like a toe testing the water temperature. He picked up his suitcase again and retreated back into his room.

"'Cause Roddy says he's coming over with great plans for the week, and I thought a warning was in order. Unless you want to be suckered into something awful, make up prior commitments, quick."

"I'm out," Trailcutter announced, throwing a few more coins at Swerve's room and disappearing into his and Whirl's double. "Tell him I'm not here if he asks. Not that he will. I'm locking this door."

"Hey that's my room too!" Whirl shouted as the door closed. He bounded over the couch and tugged at the door, but it had already locked.

"Not until you stop fighting with hobos!" Trailcutter yelled back through the door. Whirl kicked it and then glared back at Brainstorm and Swerve, both standing in their doorways and staring at him.

"Every day you morons find new ways to make me regret living with you," Perceptor said, his voice coming somewhere from the depths of his and Brainstorm's room, beyond piles of textbooks, notes, and the occasional Tupperware of dangerous chemicals nicked from the labs.

There was another knock on the door.

"Still could be worse," Swerve offered, nearly tripping over Whirl's bag as he went to check the door. "You could've lived with Prowl."

"Ooh, are we Prowl-bashing again? That's my favorite hobby."

Swerve pushed the bag out of the way and swung the door open. "Hey, Rewind, c'mon in. The usual?" He frowned as Rewind shut the door behind him. "Is Chromedome never gonna check this place out? I'm a bit offended."

"It's not you, it's him," Rewind replied, making his way over to the couch and perching on the arm of it, as far away from Whirl as he could sit. Brainstorm emerged from his room again, sans suitcase, and took up position in the chair that Trailcutter vacated. "I don't want him in this environment."

"What, it's not like he's a recovering alcoholic," Brainstorm said. Everyone tried their best to not stare at Trailcutter's door. "We've just got homemade alcohol in here, no drugs of any sort."

Rewind shrugged. "I know, but still." He gave in and glanced at Trailcutter's door. "You turn your suite into a bar and you live with an alcoholic, have you no shame?"

"He'd get it from somewhere if it wasn't me," Swerve said, entering the common area with Rewind's drink. "At least here we can keep an eye on him."

Rewind grunted an affirmation and took the drink. "Yeah, suppose. S'about why I'd like to live with Chromedome - I don't trust Prowl to keep an eye on him when I'm not around."

"'Course that ain't the only reason you'd like to live with Chromedome," Whirl drawled. He was probably trying to start a fight, but Rewind was impossible to embarrass, and he simply grinned and raised his glass to Whirl before taking a sip.

"Touché."

"How is he still stuck with Prowl?" Brainstorm asked.

"Because Prowl's cracked in the head, that's why," Rewind answered. "He hates everyone except Chromedome and tied him up in some crazy rooming contract because he's rightly afraid if Domey left him he'd have no one."

"Arcee." Swerve said. There was silence for a few seconds.

"Even if you were Prowl, would you really want to live with Arcee?" Brainstorm asked.

Swerve's expression was one of deep thought before he nodded. "Single room?"

"Need a medical reason for it," Rewind said, "and 'being a certifiable prick' is not a valid condition. And then he can't afford off-campus by himself. Hey, if you're Prowl-bashing, I've got all the material."

"He clings to Chromedome like the psycho ex-girlfriend," Whirl remarked. "Are we sure they never had a thing?"

No one was stupid enough to answer. Rewind flipped him off.

They were all spared the growing tension when the door opened and Rodimus burst in, tripping on Whirl's bag (which had somehow gotten right back in the doorway after a Swerve moved it) but turning his stumble into a dramatic flourish. "Who's up for a road trip this spring break?" he announced over Brainstorm's incredulous, "the door is locked, how the hell did you get in?"

"Drift bought me a bus so I'm seeing who wants to join us driving across the country? Anyone? It'll be fun!"

"Repeat the first part of that for posterity," Rewind said, whipping out his phone to record the statement. "Drift... bought you... what?"

"Drift bought me a bus," Rodimus repeated. Rewind played his words back on his phone, still not seeming to believe what he had heard. "Who's coming with us?"

"That is the absolute dumbest thing I have ever heard and you're either going to get killed or arrested, I'm in," Whirl said.

"Sure, could be fun," Swerve said. "Got anyone besides us yet?"

"No, Magnus wouldn't let me put posters up in the hallway advertising it, so I'm going door-to-door starting with you all. So that's yes for Whirl and Swerve - Brainstorm, you and Percy in? What about you, Rewind?"

"Seriously how the hell did you get in here?" Brainstorm asked.

"Magnus has a master key for the floor. I borrowed it."

As if on cue, there was a shout from down the hall of "RODIMUS!"

"Get out!" Swerve started panicking. "Magnus is not coming in here I will get kicked out of school if they find out about this bar get out!"

"Woah, chill, I'm going!" Rodimus held his hands up - key ring clearly visible, looped around his middle finger - and backed out of the room. "Relax a bit!" The door shut behind him.

"He's dead," Brainstorm announced. "Magnus will kill him."

"Nah," Rewind said. "Magnus likes him, sort of, as much as he can like anyone."

"They're probably sleeping together," Whirl said.

"You say that about everyone," Swerve said.

"No I don't. You, for instance, definitely have no one."

"Shut the fuck up Whirl," Rewind snapped.

The door popped open again and the occupants of Swerve's caught the tail-end of an apology - "right, yeah, definitely won't do it again" - before Rodimus popped back in. "Still didn't get an answer." He pointed at Brainstorm and Rewind.

Brainstorm shrugged. "What the hell. Perceptor, you catch this?"

"Absolutely not."

"You didn't hear it or you don't want to -"

"I am going to revel in the peace and quiet that you leave behind."

"So that's a no on Percy," Rodimus said, somehow not looking offended at such a violent rejection of him and his ideas. In his head he probably rationalized it as Perceptor's disgust was toward Brainstorm, not himself. "Rewind? We need someone to document all of the moments."

"I'll think about it."

"I'm dropping by Chromedome's room next," Rodimus added, grinning. If he could get Chromedome on board then he had Rewind. "See about him and Prowl."

"I can tell you right now that Prowl's gonna say no," Rewind said. "I guarantee it."

Rodimus shrugged. "Probably better that he doesn't come. There are no tables on the bus and he gets really pissy if he doesn't flip a table a day. Hey, think Rung could be on board with this? And Ratchet? We could use a doctor or two on the trip."

"Rung's not that kind of doctor," Rewind reminded him.

"All of us stuck in close quarters, we'll need a therapist," Brainstorm said. "Get Rung."

"He doesn't even have his bachelor's yet - and Ratchet's just a grad student."

"What kind of injuries do you think we're going to be acquiring while on this trip, Rewind?" Brainstorm asked. "What do you expect to happen that Ratchet hasn't learned how to handle yet?"

"Honestly, I'm anticipating stepping on that bus and not coming back alive."

Swerve silently topped off his drink.

"Don't be such a downer!" Rodimus grinned. "Seriously, it'll be fun. I'm gonna finish my rounds and I'll be back with the full roster later. We leave in the morning."

"I can't believe Drift bought him a bus," Swerve said as soon as the door closed behind Rodimus. "Why a bus? That doesn't even make sense."

"Maybe a bus was necessary to align Roddy's feng shui," Whirl suggested.

"That doesn't even make sense," Perceptor called out into the common area. "Do you even know what those words you're using mean?"

"No, but Drift probably doesn't either," Whirl shot back. "Who buys someone a bus? Forget what I said about Magnus earlier; Rodimus is definitely sleeping with Drift."

"No way," Rewind argued. "If Chromedome bought me a bus we'd be through."

"What if Prowl bought Chromedome a bus?" Whirl asked. "What would that mean?"

"Whirl if you mention Prowl and Chromedome again in that context I will murder you."

"I'm sorry, how tall are you? Four foot ten history major is gonna murder the hockey player? Good luck."

"I am five foot exactly, thank you. But," he continued, holding up a finger, "I know the darker parts of campus. I can find someone to slip something in a syringe and while you sleep... goodbye Whirl."

"I _am_ the darkest parts of campus. I punch the homeless."

"And you wonder why you have no friends."

"No, I know exactly why. Swerve's the one who's still wondering."

"Shut the fuck up, Whirl," Rewind said.

"I'm going to bed now," Swerve said, with his usual grin still on his face, but he sounded a bit sadder. "Bar's closing up for the evening. Night all."

"Not cool," Brainstorm said to Whirl as the door shut.

"Hey, it's not my fault he took getting assigned to the single personally."

"That's not what this is about and you know it." Rewind frowned. "Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't know it. All those hits to the head from hockey. Something wrong with your brain that's affecting more than your eye."

"My eye is fine," Whirl snapped.

"Yeah, that's the lie that's going around, isn't it?"

"If they find out I'm blind in one eye they'll probably kick me off the team - which Springer would love - but then I'd have all this extra negative energy and where would that go?" Whirl grinned. It was not a pleasant look.

"Yeah, I'm going to bed now too, goodnight, Brainstorm be safe and lock your door, bye." Rewind hopped off the couch, set his glass down on the coffee table, and made a quick exit, finally managing to avoid Whirl's bag.

"We'll build a barricade," Perceptor said.

"I'll just be out here," Whirl said as Brainstorm and Perceptor's door shut. "Alone. With nothing to do. Except destroy everyone's personal stuff that they've left out here. And the couches. And the walls. And you'll have to pay for it too. Just so you know."

"Fine." Trailcutter flung the door open. "You can come back in the stupid room. Get a goddamn replacement key and stop fighting hobos."

"But that wouldn't be fun."

"Why did I get the crazy roommate?"

"I could be Prowl."

"...good night and sleep tight, roomie."

* * *

_Author's notes: For those unaware, an RA is a Resident Assistant, a student who got a job from the college overseeing the others on their floor. _

_If anyone's confused, Swerve/Whirl and Trailcutter/Perceptor and Brainstorm's room is a suite: from the hallway, you go into a common area, which then has access to two double rooms (Whirl and Trailcutter, Perceptor and Brainstorm) and a single (Swerve.)_


	2. Chapter 2

_2._

_The Job Description of a Resident Assistant Does Not Include Keeping Your Sorry Asses from Dying in a Bus Accident, But Here I Am_

* * *

Someone knocked on the door.

Rodimus rolled over, over the edge of his bed, and yelped as he fell seven feet to the floor. He flailed over onto his back and looked up at the ceiling and at Drift, blankets still draped over his head, peering over the edge of the bottom bunk. "Good morning," he chirped, going from bleary-eyed to cheerful in an instant.

The door opened and Rodimus sat up to see Magnus. "Why would you bother knocking if you're just going to barge in here?" he asked, rubbing his head and eyeing the key that he had borrowed the previous night to get into Swerve's.

"I heard what sounded like someone dying," Magnus answered. "Preventing that sort of thing is my job. What happened?"

"I fell out of bed."

Magnus looked up at Rodimus's bunk, measuring the distance to the floor with his eyes. "Perhaps you shouldn't have a lofted bed, then," he said, which was probably the closest thing to sympathy that he could give.

"No," Drift said. "The room is perfectly aligned the way it is. We are not changing anything."

"You heard the man," Rodimus said. "Besides, this only occasionally happens. So." He bounced up, wincing a little. "What brings you all the way over here?"

Uncharacteristically, Magnus did not take the opportunity to educate Rodimus on the fact that his room was literally eight feet across the hall at a thirty-seven degree angle or whatever. "The bus parked horizontally across nine spots in the dorm's lot - that is yours?"

"Ours." Rodimus motioned from himself to Drift, who had begun his morning stretches that made him look like a sleepy cat. "Our bus. Yes that's ours. Don't worry, it'll be out of your hair soon. We're driving it across the country."

"You're taking that... vehicle on the road?" It was evident that Magnus was exercising some sort of restraint in not insulting the bus. Drift sat up straight and glared at Magnus, personally offended on behalf of his gift.

"Not just us. We got Whirl and Swerve, and Brainstorm, Rewind and Chromedome, Ratchet, Rung... that's everyone. But I wouldn't mind picking up anyone else."

"You got that many people to -"

"Oh! And First Aid! He's over in Delphi, we'll pick him on the way - Ratchet's roommate, he's been doing an internship there since September -"

"Rodimus, I am the RA for this floor, of course I remember." Magnus folded his arms and sighed. "I do not condone this."

"What, you'd rather us go get wasted in Caminus partying with all the ladies?"

"...actually I suspect the women of Caminus would prove more dangerous to you specifically than this bus."

Drift muffled his laughter into the sheets. Rodimus glared. "Thanks for the support."

"It's a moot point because we're not going to Caminus," Drift said. "You know, you could use a vacation. You should come." He hopped out of bed and Magnus immediately backed out the door.

"No, no, I don't need - my chakras aligned or whatever you're going to do to me."

"No, nothing so fancy," Rodimus said, while Drift looked like he thought, actually, that's a great idea, thanks for the suggestion. "Just come with us and relax."

"Yes, because being stuck on a bus with all of you is the very definition of the word."

"It'll be fun!" Rodimus threw an arm around Magnus's shoulders and dragged him along as he started down the hall. "Besides, you want to keep me from dying, don't you?"

"The easiest way to do that would be to tie you up and keep you in my room," Magnus said, shooting a sideways glance at Whirl passing on the other side of the hallway, who chose that moment to burst into raucous laughter for some reason, "not follow you on this absurd venture."

"Where's your spirit of adventure?" Rodimus grinned as they stopped in front of the door two down from his. "Hey, Ratchet, you up yet?"

The door creaked open and the haggard graduate student's face poked around it. "Never went to bed," he grumbled. "Had work to finish before we leave."

"You're too responsible." Rodimus clapped him on the arm. "Does Aid know we're picking him up?"

"No, otherwise he wouldn't agree to it." Ratchet's face split into a grin. "Not all of our friends are this crazy."

"Yeah and they're coming anyway, right, Magnus?"

"Apparently so."

"Ha! Yes!" Rodimus cheered, strangling Magnus in a hug. The RA's face over his shoulder suggested that his response had referred to those such as Rung and Rewind who typically were not as crazy as Rodimus or Ratchet but still agreed to the trip, while Rodimus interpreted the answer as a reluctant agreement to join the crew.

The next door was Rewind and Rung's. "Yo! Who's ready for some adventure?" Rodimus asked, banging on the door with one fist, his other arm still keeping Magnus from fleeing. "C'mon, are you up yet?"

The door opened and Rung appeared, hair ruffled, glasses askew. "This is far too early, Rodimus," he protested. "Rewind is still asleep -"

Rodimus pushed past him into the room, scooped a shoe off the floor, and threw it at Rewind's bed. "Not anymore he's not!"

The lump under the covers shifted. "Piss off Chromedome I'll get up when I get up not everyone is a morning person like you."

"It's Rodimus, and did you forget about our vacation?"

Silence, and then Rewind poked his head out from the mess of blankets. "Apparently somehow I did."

"What's the party here?" Chromedome entered the room, looking even more awake than Drift - who seemed to have been left behind when Rodimus took off with Magnus. "Hey, Rewind, you're up!"

"You're making fun of me again."

"I just wanted to make sure you won't make us late -"

"How can we be late for something there's no timetable for?" Rewind burrowed down into the covers again. "It's not like this is a cruise and there's a ship that leaves whether we're on it or not."

"Get up, Rewind."

Rodimus clapped his hands together. "There, I think this is under control. Who's next?" He spun around and found himself face-to-face with Prowl. "Ah. Hello there. Are you here to tell me I'm an idiot? Or to tell Chromedome he's an idiot? Which, the first one is true, but as for the second may I remind you that Chromedome is an adult like the rest of us and can make his own decisions about whether or not he wants to -"

"To get on the Rodimus Road of Bad Decisions?" Prowl finished drily, raising one eyebrow. "That bus probably has a serial killer living under it."

"Whoop, there we go, that's what's gonna kill me," Rewind called. "Which I suppose you would enjoy that, Prowl."

"Stop being a downer!" Rodimus shouted back. "Nobody's dying on my bus!"

"If you're so convinced you're going to die why are you going?" Magnus asked, attempting to duck out from under Rodimus's arm. Rodimus's hand closed down on his shoulder.

"S'called a joke." Rewind pulled his pillow over his head. "Everyone get out of my room."

"All right, that's it." Chromedome stalked forward and picked up the bundle of blankets containing Rewind.

"Aack! Chromedome!"

"Don't break all our tables while we're gone," Rodimus said, grinning at Prowl, and then he dragged Magnus down the hall to Swerve's suite. The door into the common room hung open and Brainstorm sat against the wall in the hallway, holding his suitcase. Swerve stood in the doorway, staring down at him.

"I do not want to be trapped in a confined space with that thing!" he snapped, trying and failing to cut an intimidating figure. Tropical floral shirts tended to not help with the scare factor.

"It's just a briefcase!"

"Then why won't you tell me what's inside?"

"And we're off to a great start," Perceptor said. He had sprawled himself out across the entire couch, determined to take up all of the space that usually went to avoiding Whirl. "I stand by my decision."

"I will tell you all about everything that happens and you will be so sorry that you missed it," Brainstorm said, jabbing his finger in Perceptor's direction. "Sorry!"

"I'm sure." Perceptor didn't sound convinced.

"Hey, we seem to have lost Whirl, that is a good start," Swerve remarked.

"Nah, we passed him in the hall, he's still around," Rodimus said. Swerve deflated and his smile shrank slightly. But only slightly.

"What I want to know," Perceptor said, "is how you became part of this, Ultra Magnus."

"I'm not part of -"

"Shush, yes you are," Rodimus said. He no longer had his arm around Magnus but the RA seemed too confused to bolt for safety.

"Is everyone up and ready?" Drift bounded up to group, grinning like a lunatic, and threw one arm around Rodimus and the other around Magnus. "Or just up?"

"I'm ready, everyone else is almost."

"You're not ready," Magnus said. "Luggage?"

Rodimus stared at him like he had just started speaking Latin. "Change of clothes? Toothpaste? Deodorant?"

"It's spring break, Magnus."

"And you want me on a bus with you for a week."

"Yes. Yes I do."

"Then I have a few rules about it. A week is at least three changes of clothes. Every day for underwear and socks. Maybe not a toothbrush but definitely deodorant. That goes for everyone."

"Am I exempt from the socks rule since I don't wear shoes?" Drift asked.

"Well, obviously. As long as you find some way to keep them clean and not smell."

"You really think the bus won't smell by the end of this?"

"I'm buying air fresheners as soon as we get on the road."

"Hey, Roddy, if I need to follow this guy's rules I need to get back in here," Whirl growled, gesturing at the door. Drift shifted the mass of himself and his two friends out of the doorway. "What, we're not even gone and you're already taking over, huh, Percy?"

"Do not call me that. And yes, I intend to take full advantage of your absence."

"Um, Whirl," Drift began hesitantly, and Whirl's angry face went from being directed towards Perceptor back to Drift. "Your hair..."

"Yes?"

"You know that it's in... mini pigtails?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Um. Okay."

"You have no right to criticize me. You don't even go here."

"I wasn't - what? I've gone here for two years!"

"I don't like transfer students," Whirl growled.

"You sound like Red Alert," Swerve remarked. "He says he doesn't trust anyone who didn't decide that this was the best school to go to right off the bat."

Drift sighed.

"Chop chop everyone!" Rodimus clapped his hands together. "You need to pack now! Be ready in ten! Hear that Rewind?" he hollered down the hall at the still-open door to Rewind and Rung's double.

"I heard it!" Chromedome called back.

The door across from Swerve's opened and Bumblebee stepped out into the hallway, eyes half-closed against the light. "It's seven-thirty in the morning, if you're going then get on the stupid bus or be quieter until you do. I cannot wait until you're gone."

"Ah, you'll miss us, 'Bee." Rodimus winked. Bumblebee sent back a withering glare.

"Not a chance."

"Still time to come with us."

"Still no. I have things to do."

"You'll be stuck here with Prowl."

"He's not as bad as you all say."

"Lies."

"Get out of here, Rodimus." Bumblebee shut the door.

"That's what we're working on doing!" Rodimus bellowed at the door. Magnus pushed him away and down the hall.

"Yelling at doors will not help you pack."

"It's not a good coping mechanism either," Drift said, nodding sagely. "It creates more rage than it relieves."

"So that's why Prowl is so angry all the time? Because flipping tables doesn't help - you should tell him that."

"I've tried. It's not what he wants to hear."

Rodimus and Drift's door stood wide open. Magnus gave Rodimus one last shove to get him instead before retreating into his own room, presumably to question all of the life choices that had led him to this moment.

Rodimus meanwhile did not stop smiling.


	3. Chapter 3

_3._

_If We Talk Each Other to Death Early On, At Least We're Spared From More Painful Ways of Dying_

* * *

"I regret this agreement already."

"Look, I've got clean boxers, what more do you want?"

"A license that says you're certified to drive a bus?"

"I only need that if we're pulled over and I don't intend to be pulled over."

Magnus let out a sigh that was more of a high-pitched whine, the sound of a puppy slowly being pressed to death by a two-by-four. It was a very sad sound.

"Please tell me someone brought alcohol."

"No, I didn't."

"Seriously?"

"We're driving! We'd be even more arrested if they found alcohol and -"

"No bus license."

"Only Rodimus is driving! He's the only one who needs to be sober! I did not sign up for a sober spring break!"

"Oh, I'm sure it's so hard to be sober for a week, try a lifetime -"

"Don't start this, Domey."

"I forgot to mention, Chromedome, I'm proud of you for coming off of everything. I know it's rough."

"Great, a hippie's proud of me because we're drug buddies, that's all I need out of life."

"No, no, we're sober buddies."

"I do not need you as my -"

"Yes you do. Thank you, Drift."

"Of course, Rewind."

Chromedome folded his arms across his chest and sulked in his seat. Rewind rolled his eyes and continued talking to Drift.

Ratchet meanwhile was still fighting with Swerve over the lack of alcohol. Whirl sat looking particularly gleeful about the rising tensions. Rung in contrast looked terrified, but he usually did. It was probably the glasses.

"No bus license -"

"Will you drop it? We're not gonna get pulled over!"

"Of course we are! This does not look road-worthy! The sides are covered in graffiti -"

"It's not graffiti if I own what I'm painting! And this is my bus! I'll paint it whatever I want and it needed a name so I put a name on the side! Everyone," Rodimus raised his voice even further, gathering all of the others' attention. "Welcome to the Lost Light."

"Yeah, we're gonna be lost," Brainstorm muttered darkly. "Did anyone even bring a GPS? Do we even have a destination?"

"I've found that being lost physically is one of the best ways to find yourself spiritually -"

"Shut the fuck up Drift," Ratchet said.

"You need this journey," Drift said serenely, like Ratchet didn't look ready to kill him. "It'll be good for your soul."

"My soul needs some goddamn alcohol, that's what," Ratchet muttered. "Look at all of us, you think any of us are figuring out anything except ways to hate each other - and I do not take life advice from a philosophy major!"

"Wouldn't a philosophy major give the best life advice?" Swerve asked. "Strictly speaking, figuring out life is what they do."

"I need practical life advice! All Drift will ever know that's practical is how to live out of a box on the street -"

"I punch hobos," Whirl chimed in.

"Shut the fuck up, Whirl," Rewind said.

Underneath the chaos the bus quietly rumbled to life.

"I bet Rung's getting some fantastic case studies, aren't you, Rung?" Brainstorm said, nudging the wiry psychology student in the side.

"I'm afraid for my life."

"Also a good way to find yourself spiritually," Drift said. "Near-death experiences put things in perspective -"

"And turned you into a goddamn hippie, do you know how often I wish that you hadn't transferred here? Do you know how nice my life would be without you?"

"Rodimus, the curb!"

_KA-THUNK._

Whirl and Rewind toppled out of their seats. Chromedome smacked his head on the window. Everyone else stared up at the front of the bus.

"We're out of the parking lot!" Rodimus proclaimed.

Behind him Ultra Magnus began to cry.

* * *

_Author's Note: Yeah, really short. I considered attaching this to the end of last chapter or the beginning of next, but I think it stands best on its own, even though it's not even half the word count of every other chapter I've written so far._


	4. Chapter 4

_4._

_We Accidentally a Freshman and an Ex-Cultist Hitchhiking Hobo who Rodimus Considers a Friend, But That Doesn't Mean Much_

* * *

They made it forty-five seconds down the street before the bus stopped with a horrific screech of the brakes.

"Why are we stopping?" Swerve asked. "Have we broken down?"

"That would be nice," Ratchet said.

"You don't have to be here, you know," Whirl reminded him.

"Rodimus this is not an actual bus - you do not have a bus license - you don't need to stop for people sitting on the curb - especially not when they're on the other side of the street - Rodimus!"

Rodimus flung his driver's window open and stuck his head out. "Hey, freshie," he called, and everyone not on the left side moved over to peer out those windows to see who Rodimus was talking to. "You are a freshman, right? What's up with your life to make it suck so much that you're out on the street at seven thirty in the morning on the first day of break?"

"You can't just ask people things like that!" Ultra Magnus hissed, while Chromedome muttered, "We should probably be asking ourselves that same question."

"I don't know why everyone came on this trip if they're so miserable about it," Whirl said. "What a sorry bunch of miserable people you all are."

Apparently the freshman - maybe even tinier than Rewind, somehow, drowning in an oversized hoodie - responded, because Rodimus said, "We've got time for long stories. If you're not doing anything else and got nowhere to go, get on the bus, we've got room. We're driving it across the country."

This time they caught the freshman's response. "Is that even possible to do in a week?"

"We'll find out."

"Isn't this, like, kidnapping?" Swerve asked. "I mean - freshman."

Everyone looked to Ultra Magnus, who was too distracted with Rodimus to realize that the others were looking for answers out of him.

"If he's over 18, which he should be unless he's a supergenius, then we should be fine, right? Legally you can make your own decisions at that point," Chromedome said.

"Unless you want to drink," Swerve grumbled. The fastest - or possibly only - way to make him angry was to bring up alcohol regulations.

"Er, Drift, what button is it to open the doors again...?"

"You can't figure out how to open the doors and we're trusting you to drive -"

"Calm down, Magnus, I'm kidding."

Whether Rodimus initially had been joking was open to interpretation, but without Drift's help he had opened the doors, so the point was irrelevant now. "Welcome aboard the Lost Light, kid."

"Uh - Tailgate. I'm Tailgate."

"I'm Rodimus, in charge here, more or less. That's Ultra Magnus, who wishes he were in charge, and Drift, my partner-in-crime. Then there's everyone else." He waved a dismissive hand back at the other occupants of the bus, who stepped in to introduce themselves.

"I'm Rewind, and that's Chromedome."

"The Dynamic Duo. Inseparable," Swerve chimed in. "I'm Swerve. Bartender."

"Bartender who didn't bring any drinks," Ratchet snarled, ignoring the fact that Ultra Magnus was right there and presumably questioning what sort of bar Swerve could even have to tend. "I'm Ratchet."

"Whirl."

"Nut-job," Chromedome corrected.

"Brainstorm, resident genius."

"Rung."

Tailgate's eyes were wide. He looked completely overwhelmed. "Hi." He plopped down in a seat near Swerve. "So where exactly across the country are we going?"

Rodimus shrugged. "No idea. We're gonna drive and we're gonna see what happens."

"Isn't it kind of important to know where you're going?" Tailgate asked. Swerve offered him an energy drink from the "cooler of necessities," as he referred to it. ("Alcohol is a necessity," Ratchet had argued, and Ultra Magnus's eyes started twitching but because Ratchet was the only one of them who was actually legally able to drink, he said nothing.)

"No," Drift said. "Often the journey is more important than the destination. Wandering is good for personal growth and self-realization -"

"If you don't stop talking like a fortune cookie I'm throwing you out the goddammed window," Ratchet snapped.

"Speaking of fortune cookies, I vote we get Chinese for every meal," Brainstorm said. "Who's with me?"

Swerve raised his hand. After a moment so did Whirl. Magnus started twitching again.

"I've never had Chinese food," Tailgate said. "Is it good?"

"You've never -" Rodimus slammed on the breaks and twisted around to look at Tailgate, causing Ultra Magnus to angrily sputter something about recklessness and irresponsibility, Rodimus's two middle names, but he was ignored. "What'd you do, live your life under a rock or something?"

Tailgate shrugged. "Well, this'll be good for you," Rodimus said, sitting back down, and the bus started moving again.

"Here I draw the line." Magnus finally managed to form a coherent sentence again. "I cannot allow you to go around - corrupting freshman -"

"That's one I've never heard before," Rodimus said, and Whirl pursed his lips together in concentration, probably trying to figure out whether he himself had ever been accused of corrupted any freshman, and after a few seconds his features slacked, like he'd given up trying to remember any freshman he'd interacted with on a level lower than "threatening to kill."

" - and - and surely -" He turned to Tailgate. "Surely you have somewhere you're supposed to be?"

The freshman fiddled with the edges of his sleeves, his eyes intently fixed on the fabric swallowing his hands. "No, I... not really I don't," he stammered, and everyone went a bit quiet at that.

"Then that's it, takeout for lunch," Rodimus proclaimed. He snapped his fingers together over his head. "Rewind, phone, plot our course five hours ahead from now and find a Chinese restaurant near there."

"How do I do that when you and Drift don't stop talking about how this trip has no destination and no course?" Rewind asked.

"Rewind," Rodimus said, and in the rearview mirror they could all see him shaking his head, "Rewind, don't you know the only person allowed to call me out when I say something that makes no sense is Ultra Magnus?"

In an undertone Ratchet added, "That's far too large of a job for just Ultra Magnus."

"Everyone tell me when you're hungry for lunch and we'll figure it out then," Rewind said.

"I'm hungry now," Whirl said.

Before Rewind could tell him to shut the fuck up, Brainstorm stepped in. "I crunched some numbers and we don't have enough money for three meals a day every day." He decidedly avoided looking at Tailgate, who, unless he had a ridiculous amount of cash on his person, would be cutting even further into their pool for gas and food. "Unless someone wants to chip in more..."

Everyone tried not to look at Drift.

The bus lurched to a squealing halt again, throwing everyone forward into the seatbacks in front of them. "Rodimus!" Ultra Magnus hollered.

"Hitchhiker," Rodimus said. "Might as well pick him up."

"You can't just -" Ultra Magnus stopped and looked over at Tailgate staring up at him with wide blue eyes. "Apparently you can."

"Stranger danger doesn't count for fellow students or guys you know that happen to be hitchhiking."

"You know him? Fine, then that's -"

Rodimus opened the doors and yelled out, "Yo, Cyclonus!"

"-even worse," Ultra Magnus finished.

"Who's Cyclonus?" Swerve asked.

"He saved us from a cult last year," Drift replied. This answer did not qualify as an explanation.

Ultra Magnus snorted. "He was _part_ of that cult, too, if you'll remember."

"Yes, and you were the one that told us in no uncertain terms to never talk about any of it ever again," Rodimus called back.

"Not that it's good to see you again, but the point of hitchhiking is so that I don't have to pay bus fares," Cyclonus said.

Rodimus smirked back at Ultra Magnus as though to convey the message _ha, he thinks we're an actual bus, we can fool everyone else, we totally won't get pulled over for no bus license. _Then he explained to Cyclonus, "Oh, this isn't a… a bus-bus? We're taking it on vacation and living out of it for a week."

"Where are you going?"

"Across the country. Nowhere more specific than that. Why, where are you trying to get?"

"Far away from here," Cyclonus answered, and Rodimus grinned.

"Hey, in that case, welcome aboard."

Ultra Magnus activated his best Death Glare and fixed it on Cyclonus. "Don't think I've forgotten the fact that you were half of the problem just because you helped with a solution."

"For someone who swore never to talk about it again, you're very hung up on it," Drift said.

"There is a difference between forgetting a thing and not talking about a thing," Ultra Magnus said. "I have not forgotten anything."

"Forgiveness," Drift said, spreading his hands in an arc above his head.

"No."

"Seriously, what the hell's this about a cult?" Rewind asked. "I'm interested, we've got a long trip for long stories."

"We are not talking about this," Ultra Magnus said. "Ever again."

"You're more or less the one who's brought it up the most," Drift said, "because I'm working on forgetting it."

"Not working?" Cyclonus asked drily.

"Traumatic events tend to stick in our memories more, as our brain's way of saying 'do not do that thing again'," Rung chimed in, and everyone who had forgotten that he was on the bus, which was everyone on the bus, jumped.

"I feel like that part of Rodimus's brain isn't working right," Ratchet offered.

"You're the hobo I got into a fight with yesterday!" Whirl launched himself up onto his feet, pointing an accusatory finger at Cyclonus.

"That reflects much more on you than me."

Tailgate stood up on his seat and leaned over the back to ask Chromedome, sprawled in the seat behind him, "Is that why you called him nut-job?" Chromedome nodded, and then raised an eyebrow at Rewind, who had taken his phone out, in order to get a second fight, if it happened, down on record.

"This trip is off to a fantastic start," Brainstorm announced. He had his briefcase in his lap again, and Swerve took a dive over the back of his seat to put an extra empty one between himself and it.

"I want to know what happened with all of you and a cult," Ratchet said.

"I was not part of a cult," Cyclonus said. He caught sight of Rewind with his phone and snapped at him, "Get that down."

"So will you tell us the rest of what happened?" Rewind asked, sounding probably too excited for a story involving cults and also Rodimus, but this was Rewind and he always appreciated a story.

"His name was Galvatron and he was a lunatic, and that's all you're getting out of me." Cyclonus sighed and glanced back up at the doors. "Is it too late to find a different way to get out of this town?"

The bus lurched forward, throwing all unfortunates who happened to be standing in the aisle – Cyclonus and Whirl – towards the back of the bus and onto the floor. Ultra Magnus, also standing in his position of "voice of reason" at the front of the bus, behind Rodimus, at least managed to hang onto the back of the driver's seat. "Heh, that's Roddy's fault, but I'll apologize anyway," Whirl said. He had landed on top of Cyclonus and now offered a hand to help him up. "Sorry. We cool?"

Cyclonus ignored the hand and took an empty seat near Tailgate, who did not look afraid enough for the situation. "Touch me again and I will kill you."

"We are not picking anyone else up, are we clear?" Ultra Magnus asked Rodimus.

"Hey!" Ratchet hollered. "We've still gotta get Aid! We're stopping in Delphi and picking him up, remember?"

Magnus slumped down into his seat and let his head hit the window with a hard _thump._"Then let's just try to get out of town before we find anyone else."

"Actually, we're still technically on campus, we haven't even made it into town," Swerve said, his nose pressed to one of the windows in order to read the street signs, and Ultra Magnus probably started crying again, but no one wanted to venture forward to check.


End file.
